Comments on: We are living in a Material World (and trying to live guilt free)

By: m~

m~ — Sat, 10 Nov 2007 23:51:06 +0000

Thank you so much for this post. I feel the same way you do about a lot of thing. Yes, my mother told me guest were special and then she told me when I was the guest to honer the hostess. I never could figure out why I wasn’t special.
And about you couch. I remember when we had only been married a couple of years his step-grandmother wanted to trade us her queen size bed for our full sized bed. Her bed was lumpy and old and I hated it. Then she wanted to trade our small new upright freezer that she had given us for her larger crappy rusted freezer. I was glad when that wouldn’t fit on the moving truck.
I especially resent leaving Hattiesburg. I could never say it out loud or write it down for fear someone would read it. But I think it will be safe here. My favorite husband transferred to get away form his jerk boss, We’ve move twice since then and we have be come poorer and poorer with every move. I wish we’d never left Hattiesburg. I had a cute house in the avenues. I loved it and now we can hardly pay the rent. Yes, I think we made a mistake and I can’t say that because as my FIL says “that was the best move you made…O’Charley shouldn’t have done you that way yadda yadda…” I don’t care.
I feel your pain and I wish you luck with your decluttering.

m~’s last blog post..It must be a guy thing

By: SmockLady

SmockLady — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 01:31:46 +0000

Keetha – thanks for stopping by.

Melanie – wow, I feel for you. I’ve never heard that quote before. I’m going to add that to my quote rotator.

MMM – you’ve got a lot going on right now and you just need to breathe and try to relax; go get a coffee if you can’t relax at home right now.

falwyn – clutter, clutter, clutter, and saving – ugh. I’m tired of saving certain things. And the gifts? I try to think through what I give too. If you ever have too many Gumballs cluttering your area I’m sure one of them would be happy to live at my house on my desk with my other little Gumballians (and friends). ;)

By: falwyn

falwyn — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 19:49:01 +0000

I so hear you on the clutter. I am terrible about not being able to let things go, not feeling able even to MOVE stuff sometimes... I feel bad for my husband who loves to declutter. Even though I know, from experience even!, how much better I feel after a good purge. I am starting to be a lot more ruthless about getting rid of stuff, at least in some areas. It helps me so much to think of some of the real treasures I've found at thrift stores, and to think of donating stuff so that others can have that same experience. I tell myself, when I have the urge to save something "perfectly good" for "later" - that it's wasted if it just sits in my closet and gets no use. Part of it is learning to trust that, even if I give something away now, the Lord will provide, one way or another, if I need something similar later. And gifts -- I am developing the skill of getting RID of it, as quickly as possible sometimes so I don't have the chance to form an attachment. And I try to be much pickier about what I give to other people, so as not to clutter their houses up. falwyn's last blog post..Yes, thank you, I know.

By: MMM

MMM — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 15:53:20 +0000

I am desperatley trying to declutter. My mind is so cluttered right now. When my house is decluttered, my mind feels more at ease. Not sure if the two actually go hand in hand, but it feels that way. My husband refuses to get rid of stuff and it absolutely makes me crazy. It would be different if he put things somewhere in a neat manner, but he stacks things wher *I* have to clean the dust off of and move around. *cringe* MMM's last blog post..Unhappy

By: Melanie

Melanie — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 13:17:14 +0000

Wow I could've written your post about how to be a guest and how to treat a guest. Like you I learned that I didn't matter and the result was that I was bullied by my passive-aggressive Mother in Law for 15 years. I'm still learning who I am and what I like and dislike. My husband decided to cut his mother out of our lives so I was able to have a huge clear out of all the PA presents she had given me over the years. I discovered 3 cake plates (of jumble sale quality) which she had given me knowing that I didn't bake cakes as hubby needed to lose weight. There were things which had been in the back of cupboards for years which suddenly went into boxes for a charity shop. She never wanted to get to know me, so she only gave me presents she thought ok for a daughter-in-law shaped person (if you know what I mean) so boy did it feel good to cleanse the house of her presents/presence. William Morris said "have nothing which you do not believe to be beautiful or know to be useful". I'd add if a person is expecting to see evidence of themselves in your life, it says more about that person than their feelings for you. When you care about someone it is enough for you to know that you have given them something. It is selfish to want to see that same something each time you visit. Perhpas some things could be "lost" in your move and given to a charity shop so someone who likes them can have them? Melanie's last blog post..Wreath Bag Cat Cardi

By: Keetha

Keetha — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 12:17:35 +0000

What a brave post! I love The Flylady, too, by the way. I found your blog via NaBloPoMo's Commenting Challenge -- Keetha's last blog post..November! Hi!

By: SmockLady

SmockLady — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 04:25:14 +0000

Ashley – let’s both throw our couches out and do a happy naked dance that there will be now more socks hiding in the cushions. I like micro-suede, but I want a ping-pong table. LOL. My couch issues are not really with the couch, that is my point. Oh, misery loves company; I need a stiff drink, you busy? I’m fighting depression, but right now I just want to walk through my house and stop tripping over stuff. With this clutter, I can’t breathe or think clearly. I love that others want to share with us, but I feel like I have to take it some times. I was gone one day after we moved and when I came back it was here and I was out looking at used items when I was out. I don’t have to have new.

By: Ashley

Ashley — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 04:12:39 +0000

Believe me, I know. I have a couch that is not only a hand-me-down but a hand-me-down-hand-me-down. I thought that I HAD to take it because they were doing us such a favor. Everytime you sit on it crazy junk pops up- lost socks, gum wrappers, etc. When you get up, the cushions look fine. SO, when I clean, I think the couch looks great, then a guest says, “Ooh, what is this, Ashley?” The pillows and fabric bleed no matter how often you clean them. But, hey, I have a couch! I can sit down. I want a beautiful taupe microsuede chair-and-a-half and loveseat. I almost hate the people that have new furniture. But my lot is having this crappy old breaking apart couch. Hey, my parents gave you their hand-me-downs! I didn’t even get their leftovers! Our financial situation is SOOOO depressing! I long for it to even be where it was when we first got married, but it isn’t. Ed is looking at different options and I am trying hard to be the happy, frugal homemaker. I am much better at the screaming, discontent homemaker. BUT, that is NOT my lot. SO, I look. I look at this hated couch, my jalopy of a car, and I sigh. I know that the feet and hands and hearts and souls of this house are what matters- not just to me, but to the universe, the Lord. I want to puke at our poverty, but I want to puke at my materialism even more. I am with you. I know that I shouldn’t care, but still I do. I know that it isn’t what matters, but it hangs me up. I want to want less, I want to be more.

By: SmockLady

SmockLady — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 04:04:31 +0000

Cathy – Yes, yes, the piles of paper and stacks of notes, and . . .
Guest policy: well as adults we don’t have the guest first issues that existed when I was a child. If it’s a game, we just follow the rules. Simple enough. And with six children and their friends I just make it clear that the friends have to follow our house rules too and if they can not then they go home. The Golden rule pretty much covers most the child’s play around here.

MK – the table? We love it. We were surprised when it showed up and we weren’t prepared for it and I *ahem, clears throat* didn’t get to choose the dye color that is not there ;), but we are thrilled to have it. And it is going nowhere. Well, it is in the garage now and will make it in sometime, when we figure a few things out.
Dropping? some things don’t break when they get dropped and it is really sad when your 12 year old says in a whsiper, “you aren’t really gonna keep that are you?”

Chuck – POPCORN!

By: MK

MK — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 02:24:53 +0000

MK: What to do with clutter? Re-gift it (might be difficult with a table that heavy! ;) ), e-bay/garage sale it, toss it, or stuff it in “the closet.” When “the closet” overflows, it’s time for a garage sale. For things that expect to be seen, hope the seer doesn’t notice. Or, if you prefer, drop it before tossing it and tell them it broke.
Chuck: If the gift is from someone who TRULY loves you, then they care more about your happiness than the gift. Sell it, re-gift, whatever, but once they gave the gift, IT IS YOURS to do with as you please. It is a sort of sinful pride that people are taking in their gift if they are disappointed if they don’t see it out or being used.
My grandmother used to give us these mega-huge tins of flavored popcorn. Okay, I like popcorn, but 95% of that tin was tossed in the garbage. But I love my grandmother and I knew she was trying to make me happy. Stuffing myself sick with popcorn would not make me happy.