The BOMB!
I need some help. Serious help and advice from YOU, my lovely readers. I have this child (well, alright, I do have six children, but I am speaking of one in particular today) who lays these serious bombs. I mean some adult-size, been eating some bad stuff, do-a-man-proud (if a man is ever proud of it), man-size STINKY bombs. I am not saying that this is a man-child or a woman-child, just that from henceforth in this post will be called The-Child-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. It goes a bit like this:
The other morning I was showering (yes, I do shower, sometimes, when I feel like it or my family tells me I need to). Seriously, I do shower. Look, a squirrel. As I was saying, I was showering and in walks The-Child-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named (why can’t I shower or do any other business in the bathroom by myself? Why?! Just once I’d like to wipe my bum without any assistance - pardon the reference and NO! no one really assists me. I just mean the need that they have for following me or not allowing me to be alone in the bathroom.) Look, a bird! Sorry, I was saying, The-Child-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named came in to use the bathroom and use the bathroom The-Child-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named did. In. A. Big. Way. Even after the flushing and my subsequent freezing from said flush and have I not mentioned before how much cold water hurts me (I know I have but I can’t find that post right now and really do you need me to get off track anymore times than I already have)? Look, a leaf is falling. The-Child-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named leaves me, ME, lingering with the BOMB! Seriously, I was in the shower and the aroma lasted throughout the washing of my hair, the subsequent rinsing, conditioning and re-rinsing of my hair. I also really needed to shave my legs as the bushes were only going to get bigger and then all chances of procreation would be lost forever. I had to debate whether or not to just get out and leave the room or shave as for to get me some later the bushes away. I chose to suffer through it and shave.
The-Child-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named did not do this just this once. This is a regular issue left behind by The-Child-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. This lingering can be some-what helped by the old trick of match burning. Hello!?! Is anyone paying attention - I have children, a few of whom are pyromaniacs like their mother. This is not a good mix for leaving matches on the back of the commode. So let’s have a look at the other options shall we?
- Candles -
- well while I do love some candles and the aromas the share (some are way too heavy for me) I have already mentioned that I am raising a bunch of pyromaniacs so that’s is one strike (pun intended) against them (the candles, not the children).
- Also, as good as some candles are they I have found that don’t make me sneeze and wheeze from overly done perfumes and scents I find that once they are blown out the fire-gone-out-stinch lingers over the top of the wonderful scent that WAS there just moments ago.
- Strike three (pun intended again) for the candle is the fact that I often forget to blow out the candles and have been met with the glass jar bursting pen from the heat of the wick still burning while there is not wax to melt and subsequent burning of the kitchen counter took place. So, there you have it - no candles.
- air fresheners (the kind that sit around) - they do not work. ‘Nuf said.
- spray air freshener
- The-Child-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named must first remember to spray when finished. Have I mentioned that I still have to remind almost all my children to get dressed and brush their hair each day? ‘Nuf said there, too.
- all The-Children-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named always spray too much of everything anyway.
- a can of spray of any kind is an open invitation to all The-Children-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named to spray to their hearts content and probably even start a war to see who can smell the
prettieststinkiest. Not gonna happen.
Here is where you all come in to help me with the bathroom situation. Look at that! I guess I just answered my own question:
why can’t I shower or do any other business in the bathroom by myself? Why?!
Answer: because apparently I invite them in. See, I just invited a bunch of people I DON’T EVEN KNOW to come in my bathroom and help me out.
Enough with the silliness. I need, or rather The-Child-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named, needs some help. What on earth can I use to leave sitting on the bathroom counter to help eat away at the aroma. The counter is high so I do not need to worry about little ones getting to it. I just need it to work and not be on fire! I would prefer something decorative or at least not ugly.
Throw me some ideas or products my way. I will try almost anything.
Essential oils! Just be sure to get the kind that have a dropper spout (not a pour top) and legislate a certain number of drops to be dropped into the saucer/plate/shallow dish on the back of the toilet when a “bomb is dropped”.
Herb of Grace’s last blog post . . . Brother and Sister
Lock the door!
an orange with cloves in it? we used to do that when i was little. oh, look, a bird! :)
cc’s last blog post . . . I Must Be 80
Herb of Grace - first of all I have to admit that until I know you better I can not allow myself to shorthand your Internet handle because that would leave me calling you HOG. But beware, the more you come by and comment the comfortable I will get at typing HOG. :) Secondly, I do have some essential oils (I use them in the laundry with the cloth dipies), but the problem is leaving anything out that can be reached by the younger crowd - it is just too tempting and not a battle I choose to fight.
Holley - shut up! You think I haven’t thought of that?! I don’t have a working lock and we rent and changing the old fashioned door knobs is not up to us.
cc - that’s a thought for sure and not too expensive. I’ll give it a try this week to see.
I’m with Holley! Don’t worry about changing the doorknob, just go get a little hook and eye latch from the hardware store. Mount it high on the door (where kids can’t reach it - lesson hard learned here…) and shower in peace (and unsmelliness). :)
karen’s last blog post . . . It’s 8:11am, and…
We have these things at school called door stops. They are made out of wood. Would you like for me to send you one? Ha
Try this:
http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-make-non-toxic-air-fresheners
go back to the good old Victorian days and make an outside toilet.. and then send him off to work in the mines for a day, then beat him with a stick and put him to work up a chimney… oh wait, maybe they weren’t such good days :-/
Andy Bailey’s last blog post . . . Beating the beta out
Does the bathroom have a vent? Teach them to turn it on. If not, you have two bathrooms. Banish TCWSNBN to the other bathroom.
karen and Holley - yes, there are ways to block the door and that is one issue all it’s on. The story was to make a point - the point being this child CAN DROP A BOMB and it does not matter if I’m in the shower or some where else and walk by 30 minutes later. IT STINKS! and nothing seems to work.
Andy - I think I like your idea best, well, the outdoor potty anyway. While I do love the use my personal “child labor” there are laws in this country about that sort of thing. :)
MK - no vent in either and other bathroom is closed!
Have you considered that it could be dietary? Maybe a lactose intolerance? Maybe celiac disease? It might be worth checking into.
Gretchen’s last blog post . . . New Colors!
Gretchen - yes, that was actually the first think we thought of. While the story above is real and happened with one particular child, we actually have two that have these massively stinky bombs. One of them does have a milk allergy and is not allowed milk as well as a few other things (because he has some absorption problems), the other one just lays some rotten eggs. We are already on so many special dietary needs in this house that I do not think I could survive another one. :)
I loved Fabreeze AirEffects. Plugged into the bathroom outlet, not too ugly and not left out in the open (same problems here with that issue). It has two scents that rotate every however-many-minutes. And it has two settings, low and high, so as to not knock you out or to really turn on the “power”. We have more of the public men’s room smell happening here and not so much the bomb issue you’re talking about but it really helped.
Stacy’s last blog post . . . chore pockets
This is no help at all, but there used to be these great Oust sprayers that hung on the wall near the door. You could push it on the way out the door and it would give one shot out, which worked. I could even get the youngsters to do it and not (usually) abuse it since it was attached. Alas, we can no longer find these. Argh.
Good luck.
mamalang’s last blog post . . . I’m not going to write you…
I’m not much good at this sort of thing, but I’ll try. Have you tried a box of baking soda on the counter (or out of reach)? I’ve also heard that a bowl of vinegar will absorb odor, but I haven’t tried it. (Maybe the vinegar odor will overpower the stink?)
Is there by any chance a window in the bathroom you could open, and maybe add a portable fan to aim smelly air out?
Just my little bit of input…. Good Luck!