the SmockLady

Sun, sweat, and sand

Published on Saturday, August 2, 2008 some time around 5:31 pm-ish.
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I’m all over the place today in my head and my heart. The children have been begging to go to the beach all week long (the fake, man-made beach at the lake). I hate lake water. And having grown up on the real beach I just couldn’t fathom taking my children to a fake beach at a lake that costs $11.00 to get to. Blech. With life feeling so foggy and surreal right now I decided that what I needed, and they needed, was to get out of the house and live a little. I even had the false idea that maybe I could put some other things out of my mind for a while and just enjoy watching life right now as it happens. Well, I am not able to get these other things out of my mind right now, but I was able to get out and enjoy what I have around me for an hour or so.

I decided we needed a trip to the lake. We changed quickly, grabbed some towels out of the dryer, I collected a few things out of the yard for them to play with at the lake as they loaded into the car. I grabbed the sunscreen and my camera and we hopped in the car to go.

I wasn’t able to put other things that are heavy on my heart away, but we really had a good time. Bairno and CowBoy both surprised me a bit when we got there. CowBoy was a bit scared to get in the water at first and Bairno was fearless, running in so fast he fell face first into the water.

I grabbed him up as he coughed and hacked and was all red in the face but no worse for the wear. It was very hard to keep him out of the water. CowBoy is a cautious child, but has never seemed that hesitant to be in the water. He is cautious and careful in and near the water, but I can not express how surprised I was by the depth of his caution today. Until I pointed out the minnows swimming around, and then he forgot to be cautious and thoroughly enjoyed himself and became the little minnow that he is himself.

Everyone got sprayed down with sun screen, including me spraying myself, but I didn’t get myself good enough and now my shoulders are burned. I’ve been burned much worse before so this isn’t really bad. Even the tops of my feet got burned. Wha?!

I think I got too hot today too, even though I had water to drink I felt overheated rather quickly. But it was good to get out and enjoy my children and the fun they had. And to get out and go someplace I was pretty confident I wouldn’t run into someone I knew and would have to talk to. I just do not want to talk yet. We don’t have all the answers yet and we don’t know what’s happening yet. We know that their may be a major problem with the baby’s heart. We know that I might not be pregnant much longer. An ultrasound on Friday did not give us much hope. We are going to do another one this next week. I feel like I am in limbo and I just want to know, one way or another. We are also doing follow up blood work on Monday - that may tell us more than the u/s.

I took over 400 pictures today at the lake during our one and half hours there. Gotta love digital. I could never have taken and paid for the development of those photos any other way. Of all 400 pictures I have very few of the older three children. Why you ask? Because although I do love them just as much as my younger three they did everything they could to hide every time I brought out the camera.

But I’ll get you back if you play that game with me. I’ll post a picture like this:

She wants a hair cut, maybe I won’t let her. Mwahahaha. Not really.

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