Stewardship, clutter, glorifying

I am the toy destroyer, breaker of hearts.

I do it all the time, but but not the way you think. I am more not so nice. I have six children and for years have only thrown out the broken toys, cycling the not-used-now-toys to the top of the closet or the Rubbermaid boxes for the next child when age matches toys and skills. Now that it seems we are done with the babies I find myself even more readily throwing things out, giving away, instead of saving them for the next child so I don’t spend the money on it again. I have always had one rule about toys that never waivers – you leave it out, it goes bye-bye. OK, I give my children a warning that they left their toys out and they need to be picked up. If their terrible tornado hit when I wasn’t looking then they are given a time limit to clean it up. If the time limit was manipulated by crying, screaming, and gnashing of teeth to the point that nothing got done, then I clean up “My Way”, with a trash bag or donation box. If the time limit given was taken seriously and used fervently and with great effort and they needed more time, they got it.

Last year, with all the toy recalls, I sat them down, the children not the toys, and decided they were doing it this time. After 14 years of parenting I realized I had gotten mushy with the long lashes and the big sad eyes and the grandparents’ manipulative efforts (not the in-laws’). No More I say! That was my big break, my time to return to a world of simpler times. Pitch the plastic crap! We were pitching lots of stuff. What didn’t need to be destroyed got delivered to the thrift store and the children helped. The new, additional rule: with the exception of books and some old classic toys, for each new toy they beg for and got, they must also give away a toy.

I didn’t stick to that very well. I am ashamed to say. I did do it, but not as often (everytime) as I should have. Now that we are moving things around in the house trying to make way for a better way to help Princerella, giving her a room of her own so that she can get some much needed PT/OT/SI items she needs on hand all the time, every day (more on this soon), I realize how bad *I* have been at keeping things over the years.

Hording

I am trying really hard to let go. We are a large family. Just keeping clothes for hand-me-downs is taking over our space. It’s complicated. Complicated by the fact that I don’t want to have to buy an item again when I have it now. Our situation here is one that keeps me (financially) from being able to buy it again. And terribly afraid of this culture that surrounds us, that looks down on us if we spend any money, if we don’t do it their way and the fear that if we don’t do things the “right” way hubby will end up jobless. I realize this is based on our experiences (a few loose threats and maybe perception), but it is all we have to base anything on right now. (Yes, I know, this shows my lack of faith. Fear is evil.)

When things, rooms, desks, tables around me are cluttered my brain is cluttered. I can’t think through things clearly. I hate this utter mess I live in. I mean I can have a clean house, the laundry done and every thing put away, but I find it’s still cluttered.

I. hate. it!

I want to let it all go. Throw it all out. Be done with it. I need the order in my life. I want to walk into a room and go where I want to go without walking around a Rubbermaid tub that is saving something for the next child. But I’m too scared. I’m frugal, too. I guess it’s the Scottish heritage. I don’t know where the balance is.

I often feel like I’m lacking in faith if I keep things “just in case” we need it again. I want to have the faith that God will provide it if and when I need it again. I have been trying for so long to sort through this that writing it out was the only way I could get through all my thoughts. Typing it out, sorting through it, whether shared or not, has helped. Truly helped. Someone else may need these things I’m hording for later right now.

Life is always changing, rearranging. For example, I used a stroller daily when we lived in Hattiesburg. Here, I think I’ve used one once or twice. Even though we moved here with a 10 month old and have since had another baby, I have used that double stroller about two times total. Sad. It’s a good one still in great shape. The point. I don’t need it. I won’t need it again even if we have another baby. Life changes. Our lifestyle here doesn’t warrant keeping it. It’s taking up space. It’s a sad reminder of many things. If we needed it again, it’s because our lives would have changed drastically enough for us to be able to get another one (new or used). It’s doing no one any good sitting out there.

The flip side, sort of, is that Princerella can not use things that were saved for her. And those things took up space for things she did/does need. She needs things that none of the other children will ever need. That throws a kink in life that no frugal wrench can straighten.

Function & Beauty

But I like quality. Dang, I prefer quality! Don’t get me wrong; I am not going to spend for the sake of spending, but if I need a desk, which I don’t, (for the long haul) and I see a metal fold up temporary cheap looking desk for $25.00 and a beautiful sturdy desk for $100 guess which one I’m gonna buy? The more expensive wooden desk! Yes, it may be $100, but I’lll only have to buy it once instead of the cheap $25.00 desk numerous times. I’ll like the wooden desk better, it will make me happier having something prettier and more functional around me as well. I prefer to go without longer so that I can get what I want down the road.

Don’t get me wrong; I know I can’t “take it with me,” but God created beauty. He gave us all opinions and ideas about what is beautiful and gave us the ability to enjoy beauty. We are all different in that too. I like surrounding myself with order and function, but I like my order and function to have more than just a job to do; I like it to be beautiful to look at as well. This is where I live. I don’t want things around me that do not have a function or that are not beautiful. And what is wrong with having both? It is OK to enjoy life on this earth. As long as we don’t idolize things there is nothing wrong with having things, beautiful things.

Stewardship

There comes a point when being frugal is beyond stewardship that is acceptable. Good stewardship is not just about saving every penny possible. Good stewardship is about taking care of what we have, too. Financial stewardship is not about squirreling away every penny or buying the least expensive item (even services) every time because it is the least expensive. It’s probably the least expensive for a reason — like poor quality, but not always I know. How is wasting money on the same thing over and over again because 1) it’s not what you wanted in the first place but it was less expensive therefore you have to live with something you don’t like and/or 2) it’s all you can afford for now and so you buy the cheap item and it breaks and have to buy it again and again really good stewardship?

In both cases one would really have wasted their money!

Simplicity

My grandfather used to say, “the more you have, the more you need.” He was right. Absolutely right! I really can’t think of a single thing this does not apply to. If you have lots of stuff you need lots of space to put that stuff. If you have lots of space to put that stuff, you need more time to clean, more cleaning products, more help to clean all that space. If you have a large yard, you need tools, bigger tools, more time, whichever or all, to keep your large yard landscaped or at least cut. If you have a large family you need to buy more groceries, more clothes, a larger vehicle, etc. If you have a large amount of money you need more diversification, financial security at banks, a safe, etc. The more you have, the more you need. Simple.

Life isn’t simple, but shouldn’t the things, ideas, and living of our life be as simple as we can make them. With simplicity comes clarity. With clarity comes flexibility. With flexibility comes freedom. With freedom comes living life beautifully and fully! To the glory of God.

Glorify

No matter what we do God calls us to do it to the best of our ability and to His glory.

That’s my goal: to live life beautifully to the glory of God. The richness of life is not bound up in the riches of this world. I joke sometimes and say I’d like the opportunity to see that money can’t make me happy. But you know what, I’m not really joking about it. I’d really like to be able to do what needs to be done without having to worry about it. I’d really like to be able to just go buy those shoes my son needs without having to calculate if I can or not. I’d love to just have a true living wage. That would make me happy or at least less stressed which would free me up and that would make me happy.

Whatever!

1 Corinthians 10:31
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

Colossians 3:17
And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Colossians 3:23-24
Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

I can not be the best wife to my husband and mother to my children with this chaotic feeling and stashed stuff making my life and me all cluttered. I walk into a room and just don’t know why I walked in there, overwhelmed with the clutter and anxiety. My grocery shopping and menu planning is going berserk and crazy. My normal routines and daily life are so scattered and crazy I’m missing business phone calls and not getting to important emails. I lost two bills this month resulting in a need to make phone calls that were not too fun and totally embarrassing.

We never know what life is going to give us. How it is going to change or rearrange as we live through it. It is important to think about our future and caring for those we love, but binding myself up in what was or in what may be is wrong. Thanking God for and focusing on now is good.

This is my point: I’m letting go of what does not serve a good purpose or show beauty (in the space it takes up or the memories it brings). If it has a purpose or makes me smile to have it around then it can stay (for now).

I think I have a new motto (and tagline, yes? I should change it): Whatever!

1 Corinthians 10:31
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

Colossians 3:17
And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Colossians 3:23-24
Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

I think I need a new banner and a T-shirt! ;)

Whatever!