the SmockLady

Oxymorons, Onomatopoeias, Paradoxes, and Irony

Published on Saturday, November 3, 2007 some time around 8:19 pm-ish.
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oxymoron: a figure of speech that combines two opposing or contradictory ideas, such as freezing fire.

onomatopoeia ((the only reason I used onomatopoeia in this post is because onomatopoeia is really fun to type and it looks good in my title)): a word or expression which resembles the sound which it represents, such as buzz, hiss, or achoo.

paradox: a statement or proposition which seems self-contradictory, absurd or at variance with common sense, though, on investigation or when explained, it may prove to be well-founded.

irony: a perception of inconsistency, [usually but not always humorous], in which an apparently straightforward statement or event is undermined by its context so as to give it a very different significance

Now that we have that out of the way I’ll get on with the story. Last night as I was typing my post about the quilts and the difficulty with which I am having getting the last one done, there was a knock on our front door. SmockDaddy answered it to find a church member standing there who had been trying to get in touch with him/us. For some reason some of the church members have not gotten our new phone number. It’s in the bulletin but I guess we need to make an announcement of sorts about it.

Months ago we decided to use Vonage. Yes we did. We were sick and tired of paying Bell South almost a hundred dollars a month for bad service and high rates. We looked into Vonage and decided to give it a try. Vonage does not offer a local number for us so we decided to get a number that is local for SmockDaddy’s family in Alabama (and any national plan cell phone callers) and add a toll-free number for everyone local to use. We got both of those numbers, unlimited national (and Canada) calling for $30 a month. Yes we did. Woot!. Well, while we love all this saving money stuff so we can buy food and gasoline, we don’t love the unreliable cable service that we have. We had no problems for years until little miss katherine1952 moved in to the neighborhood and messed up our wireless connection and now the whole neighborhood has cable problems. OK, so it’s not really little miss katheringe1952’s fault (and I don’t know if she’s little or miss), but she was the last one that set up service and that’s when things got icky. Anyway, we now have very unreliable telephone service: some times it rings, some times it doesn’t, some times it cuts me off while I am talking. This is not the fault of Vonage. It is the fault of Suddenlink Cable company who does not give one crappy iota to their customers in our little nowhere town. So the best way to talk with us is by our cell phones. Enough of my ranting. Back to the point.

For the sake of anonymity I’ll call the church member Joe. Joe came by to let us know he and his wife were not able to do some thing they had scheduled this week, but could another week. He explained that his wife was out of town at a quilting show in Houston. (DING! DING! DING! DING! DING! goes the trolley in my head.) Conversation not exact quotes.
Me: Oh, did she go to the show hoping to buy quilts? or does she make them and sell them? or is she looking at fabric and machines?
Joe: She makes them.
I tell him a bit about my quilting situation and the store I’ve been using and that I miss my deadline and that I wish I knew how to use the big long arm they have. Then I could just do it myself. (I didn’t tell him this part: but I am lusting after one of those machines. Maybe an AQPS). I don’t really want to attempt quilting on my regular machine.
Joe: Oh, those machines are quite fabulous and expensive. I’ve been getting these updates on my phone this trip. My mother has gone with her and it’s a bit hard for her to understand all this quilting stuff. She’s a seamstress too; she makes suits and dresses. She doesn’t really understand or get this cutting up pieces of fabric just to sew them back to together again.

As I typed the rest of my post last night I kept laughing about that comment in my head and it reminded me of one of the funniest stories I had ever been told. I am going to share it with you now. I just wish I could tell it to you like my friend can tell. It is my friend’s story.

My friend went to see the doctor. (This doctor is also our friend) As my friend was waiting to see the doctor time kept dragging on and in all honesty that is a little unlike this doctor. My friend was finally escorted from the waiting room to the exam room and their had to wait a long time as well. Finally the doctor came in and told my friend how sorry he was for being so late. He had moved appointments around that day (which my friend knew about) so he (the doctor) could go see the dentist. By the time the doctor had gotten to the dentist office, in the chair and his mouth open with the dentist’s fingers doing their job it was a bit late to call his office and explain that the dentist was running late. He continued to apologize and explain that he did not realize he was going to be there so long or he wouldn’t have made the appointment for when he did. He concluded that he really didn’t think he could ever have been a dentist or understand why anyone would want to be one: “I just can’t imagine sticking my fingers in other people’s mouths all day long.”

The doctor is an OB/GYN and my friend was there for a check up.

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