My number 1 is now a double 1. Mog turned 11 today.
It’s hard to think about sometimes; here I sit 22 weeks pregnant with number 6 and my oldest just turned 11. WOW! I don’t post much about her, but that’s because I try to protect her. I love her dearly and want so much to guard her feelings and her privacy. If you look down the category list you’ll see that there are much fewer posts linked with her in them. There are so many things that I would like to write and post about her, but I restrain myself. Writing about the little ones isn’t the same, is it?
She’s eleven now and she older and more grown up than they are and well, it’s just not fair for me to write certain things when so many readers see her. So many times I think about how hard it is to be the mother of an older child than a younger one. With the younger ones there are diapers and tantrums and bickerings and messes and such that go along with them being young. The younger ones keep us busy in a different manner, don’t they. When I compare mothering one of my little ones to mothering her (or her 8 year old brother) it’s different. There are no diapers to change or tantrums to quell (usually), but there are a great many other things to worry about, like what shee reads, what she listens to, who she wants to be like, who she wants to hang around with. Growing up is hard - I remember how hard. She is trying to balance wanting to be older and have more priviledges, but not so much the responsibilities that go with those new priviledges. I am trying to balance allowing her the room she needs to grow and learn at the proper pace while the world around her tells her she is growing and aging much too slowly.
In some cultures and in years gone by an 11 year old girl would be milking the cows and gathering the eggs and carrying a large amount of daily responsibility on her shoulders. But the world today has children involved with less responsibility in life, but giving them more priviledges. I don’t write about our struggles with her or her own struggles; I don’t think it’s fair to her when other teenagers who know her read this blog. And that I have a problem with anyway; I don’t thing children should have their own space on the Internet. I think the Internet is too big for them. It is another one of those struggles I face daily. I understand the desire to post and have fun and meet others around the blogging world (like a modern day pen-pal), but I’m not comfortable with it. I don’t write on my blog for teenagers and I don’t want my daughter writing for adults. There are way too many creeps out there and while there are many legitimate teen bloggers and even some we know, I just don’t think it’s right. So, while I have many things I would love to have written even if it was just to get a little advice or a little comfort from other mothers who have been there I just don’t want to put her through any humiliation she may receive from those she knows. I’m not going to talk about those that hurt her and the pain it caused. I am not going to talk about the agitation she feels while her body is changing. I’m not going to talk about her dreams and desires. Those are hers. Those things she has shared with me, because I am her mother. Those are the confidences that only she has the right to divulge. Those are more of the priviledges and the rights she has in growing up. Those are her decisions and her experiences to choose whether or not she shares them.
What I am going to tell you is how wonderful a young lady she is. She has always been very concerned for others in a very empathetic way. She is concerned for those who are in pain. She is concerned deeply for those who cause pain. And this is what has always stood out to me; her incredible ability to feel for those who cause her and others pain. When she was little she cried for the child who did the hitting, because “he must be hurting terribly to need to hit someone else.” She will comfort the one who got hurt, then pray for the one who caused it. She sees deeply and feels even deeper. She may not want to make her bed or get dressed most mornings, but on some of my sickest days this pregnancy she has been the best helper I could ask for and she’s done it voluntarily. While I feel guilty for her doing some of the ‘mommy-est’ jobs she’s done, I don’t know what I would have done without her those days.
The gifts God has given her are not always so easily seen. They are not the gifts that stand out like her brother’s gifts. Her gifts are from deep within her and are quiet gifts. She is not easily looked upon as having the talents she has. Her brother is outgoing; she is quiet and reserved. She watches from outside while knowing just who ‘needs’ her. Making strong bonds and friendships and having such loyalties it sometimes scares me for her (as I was the same way and suffered greatly for it). She’s deeper and more thoughfilled than most children her age and this causes some extra layers of pain for her at times, but it also brings her much deeper friendships when the seeds blossom. I just wish she had that here where we live now - a friend so close as she’s had before. Her brother is very verbally creative and very quick with his wit. She is very smart as well, but her gifts are more logical and analitical. She works through a problem until she totally understands it; she sometimes has problems letting things go, but she can help with a great many situations that her siblings may never be able to master. She was made with a desire to solve a problem and the ability to help make it happen, whether or not that problem is on paper or with a person. She is often willingly putting herself on the back burner so her siblings are happy. She really doesn’t demand much at all. Yes, she does ask for some things we can’t give her (like a horse or her own bedroom), but she is very self-sacrificing. She doesn’t like surprises and doesn’t like being made to be in the public and that is OK. She wants to fit in a be a part of, to be included. She is our first, our beautiful first child and I love her!
Happy Birthday, Mog!
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
The Happiest of Birthdays to You, dear M~!
May God richly bless you with years of joy & interesting phenomenae of elderhood. “Someone has to lead the way.”
And also: “So Much Love” is our favorite pic. Tried to set it as our “background/wallpaper”; but it didn’t work……
A very happy 11th. We have an 11 year old girl and I share your concerns.