Make a match burn twice

Did anyone ever bully you into learning how to make a match burn twice? I was smart enough to figure it out when someone asked me, “Do you know how to make a match burn twice?” and said yes assuming that would save me from experiencing it. But I was held still by two “friends” just so they could prove they knew how as well. Do you know how to make a match burn twice? You strike it once, blow it out (or not), and touch the hot tip to someone to burn a second time.

It’s a rather ironic thing isn’t it? A tool meant to help us bring light can be turned against us to also cause pain.

It is not that unlike life, I suppose. Finding light in a dark place and then being shut out by that light. Having a door opened to vent the smoke and debris only to have it slammed again, to continue living in that smoldering place. Trying desperately to cry out for escape and support only to be told there is none. To be reached out to and offered a hand and a place of comfort and companion then to be dropped to fall alone. To be blackballed. To be smothered.

I do not understand why I must be alone in this. I know I must have more to learn. I know that God does not always give us answers when and how we want them. I do not understand this carrot that is dangled then snatched away. I know that with Him I am not truly alone. I have this incredible desire to want to know why? I guess that is what I need to learn. I do not know why this suffering, why I am not able to use it for others.

I am sorry this is so cryptic, please make no assumptions. Just know that there is pain and I need your prayers.