Lurker vs. Stalker or The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly

Here are a few definitions that I have decided to post.

lurker:
1. One who lurks.
2. A member subscribed to an email list who does not participate in the discussion.
3. Slang term for someone who regularly reads newsgroup, BBS, or mailing list discussions, but rarely participates in them.
4. Someone who hangs around forums or bulletin boards who reads messages but rarely, if ever, posts.
5. Someone who reads but doesn’t post in newsgroups, conferences, or message areas.
6. someone waiting in concealment (my personal favorite)
7. In Internet culture, a lurker is a person who reads discussions on a message board, newsgroup, chat room or other interactive system, but does not participate.

stalker/stalking:
1. prowler: someone who prowls or sneaks about; usually with unlawful intentions
2. Stalking is repeated harassing or otherwise intruding upon a person’s privacy in a manner that causes fear, commonly exemplified by acts such as following or observing a person persistently and surreptitiously. …
3. When an adult purposely and repeatedly harasses or follows another with the intent of harassing.

Ok, so I know that a blog is out there, floating around in the world wide web for anyone to look at. I know that the right words will Google up my blog or anything else that I have to say and have posted in this world of Internet data can be viewed by just about anyone who has computer access. I know all this. I don’t need to be preached at or to about such things, I know how it works. So keep those comments to yourself. Keep them locked up tight because I don’t have time for them. Nor the desire to read them.

I preface what I am going to say now with that knowledge. This blog is intended for me; this is my blog, my thoughts, my life, my outlet - not yours. This is my place, my house, my room, my closet. This is a place that is meant for friends who know about it, for those I invite to enter in and for those who stumble upon, sharing the same interests and needs and desires. This is where I write what I want to write, say what I want to say, do what I want to do.

Those who enter here as links from other blogs where I’ve posted are welcome to read and discover a little about who I am and what I do and what my life is like. Maybe you’ve Googled to arrive here. Welcome.

Well, my life has plenty of Good. I have a Savior who stands in front of me and accepts me with all my faults and sins - all my own Good, Bad, and Ugly - no questions asked.

I have an awesome husband who stands by me no matter what. No matter how ugly my family got (or gets), no matter how many threats they made (or make), no matter how much they hurt him trying to get to me, he stayed (and will stay) right here by my side, protecting me, protecting our children from their hate and their lies all stemming from their intense selfishness. Little did he realize just how strong of an attack my family would take; I warned him of their ways the night he proposed. I don’t think he believed me. Actually, I don’t think he didn’t believe me as much as he thought I was exaggerating. He learned (and his family a little too) as we prepared for our wedding, just how much I was not exaggerating. But I don’t think it all sank in. He took a mighty blow, and very political blow. I won’t go into the historical play by play here. I have tried hard to put this out of my life and my mind and the hearts of my family - my husband and my children. There’s this little, tiny, yet largely important part of marriage that my family couldn’t grasp: leave and cleave. As soon as we took our wedding vows and we became husband and wife, we were one. We left and we cleft. (cleft - divided; having a fissure or crack; partially split or divided; split) I have been blessed with being this man’s wife.

I have been blessed with five beautiful, wonderful, children all of whom are extraordinary in their own way.

I have one of the best friends in the whole world - she’s been there for me no matter what. She doesn’t judge me, she holds me accountable and has loved me through it all. She’s stood up for me and defended me - maybe even when she shouldn’t have. She’s seen me at my worst and my best (well, it’s been so bad for so long I can’t remember when she’s seen me at my best). She listens and listens and listens. She doesn’t hesitate to tell me how she sees it or maybe even how it is viewed from outside the ring of activity. She tells me I’m crazy. She tells me to stand firm. She is my friend. She is what a friend should be. She is what a friend is.

I’m not perfect. I’ve never claimed to be perfect. I have faults. We all do, whether we accept that fact or not doesn’t make the faults nonexistent.

So, the Bad and the Ugly, that’s why I’m here today, writing this. There’s a fine line between lurker and stalker. It’s a hard one to differentiate, especially when we are talking about the Internet. The lurker, I’ve been the lurker before, most blogs have them. It’s similar to the magazine reader who has a subscription but never writes letters to the editor. It’s ok, it’s expected on some level. Some blogs are designed for informational purposes. Some blogs are designed to be strictly for family related interests. Some blogs are just plain silly, goofy, and have nothing to say.

Some blogs are set so anyone, anywhere, anytime can read them and anyone, anywhere, anytime can comment - leaving themselves as anonymous visitors.
Some blogs are set so anyone, anywhere, anytime can read them, but comments are moderated and approved.
Some blogs are set so anyone, anywhere, anytime can read them, but comments are moderated and approved and left by only registered users.
Some blogs are set so only members can read and comment and so on and so forth. And all manner of security in between. The options are too numerous to list. You get the point.
There are blog hosting web sites. But I chose to host my own, giving me full control over my blog - no ads, no contracts, no limits of size, space, design, plug-ins, or codes. I choose. I design. I plug-in. I code.

Her again is the Ugly you came to read. Little did I think that at some point my family, who attacked us so villainously, would lurk on my site. Yes, the fact that I know this is in itself a wee bit creepy, but again, I chose to have full control over my site using whatever codes I chose, remember. (Although I must say, I never thought I would use/need the info for this purpose.) So just exactly what does one call or label those who are so curious and intent on finding every little thing out about you that they go so far as to sit at their computer waiting to view your site again time after time after time of being cut off and pulled down. I can see when and where. It went from collecting data about what interest readers to protecting my blog, my life, my thoughts in a matter of seconds. At the moment it happened I got sick. The thought of the very people who hurt us so badly popping into my life again where they don’t belong anymore made me sick to my stomach yesterday (and the day before). They want to peer into my children’s lives and be a part of something that isn’t theirs to be a part of anymore. They chose to attack us and they didn’t do it alone; they had plenty of help - anyone who would listen. They chose to turn their backs on me. They shut the door. They walked away. They didn’t get their way.

Addressing the aforementioned:
I’ve kept your dirty little secrets and been loyal to a fault about not telling and sharing all that I know. I didn’t even use your faults to defend myself or my family. Why? Because you are family. No matter how much it hurts, you’re family. But my children and my husband and I won’t suffer for you anymore. You can’t have it both ways. You can’t scare and threaten my children and my family and think you can have us back in your lives. You can’t spread lies and threats and think that it just goes away. You can’t just wake up the next day and pretend it didn’t happen or that you didn’t do it. There is proof. There are witnesses.

There are ways I can block you from this site. There will always be ways for me to tell if you are lurking in the shadows. I know how many times yesterday (and the day before) you all visited, which pages you viewed, and how persistent you were/are because “you think you have the right”. I know because I know how many times yesterday I took my blog down and put it back up. I know.

Persistence in the name of “I have a right” is where I think stalking comes in to play, it’s harassment. You’ve been asked to leave. Exit stage left. Have you got nothing better to do with your lives than this? I choose to live with this for now. And I reserve the right at anytime to block you again if you don’t leave us alone. This is my life and you are not in control of it. This is a door of my life I wanted to stay shut - I guess that was a little unrealistic of me. Maybe this post makes me out to be a little crazy, I really don’t care anymore about that. If I’m crazy, I get it from those that are.

As I said, the Good, the Bad and the Ugly.