It oughta be a law

There should be a law that banned very hungry pregnant women with cravings from going to the grocery store. I mean really. Especially if they are suffering from Hyperemesis. Because, People, let me just tell you this is getting on my nerves. I do think it may be getting a little better - but it’s pulled my leg once before. I’ll get back to this though (another post, maybe tomorrow), let’s continue with my law proposal shall we.

So, while the need to go to the grocery store has been great for some time has been stayed by the fact that SmockDaddy so graciously swings by on his way home for lunch or his afternoon trip home to get what is just so necessary to maintain some sort of edible meal in this house. I bit the bullet and went to the store Saturday - not a good day to hit the store (very crowded), but it had to be done. I grocery shop according to a menu and shopping list for said menu; this helps with overages of the same things (as my brain seems to be pregnant too) and it helps with the budget. When I began shopping with an actual menu written out and planned the list accordingly, our grocery bill dropped drastically. Now, mind you, it’s still a large bill feeding all of us, but it’s better than it could be. Saturday was a day that hit the budget harder than any in a while. Again, shall I stress that a pregnant woman, hungry, with cravings, should NEVER be allowed to go to the grocery store - even wit a list! OK, OK, it wasn’t that bad, but still I came home with some cookies I not only haven’t bought in years (yes, many years), but cookies I had grown to sorely dislike as most store bought sweets. We’ve been eating organic and totally homemade for years now and so many things prepackaged and store bought are just bad tasting now. Yechk! Spit that out! So homemade breads and cookies made with organic flour and sugar are so much better tasting and better for us. I can hardly cook a fresh loaf of bread and have any left over for use with a meal because it is gobbled up before it’s even cool. And who doesn’t like a nice steaming piece of fresh homemade bread?

I really only bought two packs of cookies that were not on the list, but still I could easily have passed that up before I was pregnant and even more easily have passed the isle completely if I weren’t pregnant. Let’s just say I’m glad the children are eating them up instead of me, but now I’ll spend the next two weeks purging their systems from all that nasty stuff. I guess that my timing wasn’t too bad I still hadn’t finished purging all our systems from the trip to B’ham last week and all the road food and stuff we don’t normally do. But hey, it WAS good. Anyway, I bought the two packs of cookies and had to hold myself off a great many other items that kept wanting to fly themselves into my cart. I could hear them each taunting me, “Ooooh, pregnant lady, look at me, don’t I look good; yes, yes, and me too. don’t you want to buy me, take me home and eat me?” Oh, the evilness that filled my ears. Don’t they know that all I would do would be to see them a second time or at least be up all night trying NOT to see them again or just tossing and turning and cursing them for their vile taunts. NO, they didn’t care. I, on the other hand, stayed strong only to weaken to two small bags of cookies and proud I am and now somewhat satiated with the tastes in my mouth having enjoyed a few as well.

You are asking, “Well, SmockLady, if you only bowed to two small bags of cookies why should there be a law?” Let me tell you, BECAUSE THERE JUST SHOULD! Whew, got that off my chest. As I’m pregnant I’m allowed a little shouting every now and then, right? Right; I knew you would agree. If you didn’t, let’s just say you did and get on with it. K? Good. So now that we are on the same page let’s discuss this further. We all know, or should know, that groceries should never be bought when we are hungry anyway, right? Right. (Remember the rules; you all agree with me.) If we go to the store we buy things that we really wouldn’t buy at a time when we aren’t hungry so we eat what we shouldn’t and we spend too much. Now add in the pregnancy and we’ve added another dimension - cravings. We all know that pregnant women get cravings, right? Right? So when cravings go to the store many things are not only bought that shouldn’t be, but strange mixtures of tastes and flavors that do not belong together get brought home. Bad, Bad things happen when we add the two together - hunger AND pregnant cravings. The most important dimension - the hyperemesis. See now there is hunger at the store, and pregnant cravings, now we throw in constant nausea and often vomiting - see where I’m going with this. Do you really need me to explain it further?

Of course you do, because you still don’t understand it all. While hungry, I want to eat (well, sometimes) and then my innards decide to let their much stronger voices be heard. Yes, that’s right a trip to the bathroom WHILE IN THE STORE so no one else will be forced to see the voice from within. Yes, three times the voice from within had its way with me; three times I had to stop shopping and push my very full cart to the restroom, three times I tried not to pee (successfully, these times) in my pants while my stomach hurled massive eruptions at my being for even considering eating some yogurt (which I bought), or some plums (which I also bought), and finally for wanting a salad (which I did NOT buy). (May I just say I’m glad there’s Poise, Yes I Can, for just such times as these. Baby number 6 does NOT like my bladder at all. And neither do my many of my sneezes. UGH! - this is new.) So after I ran down one old lady with a cane, an old man in an electric cart, two children screaming at the crazy lady zooming toward them, and one employee trying to get of my way as fast as she could, I made the decision - there should be a law that prevents hungry, pregnant women suffering through hyperemesis from going to the grocery store. Write your Congressman now before it’s too late.

Tagged as: cravings, grocery shopping, pregnant