Deadlines and failures

I mentioned not so long ago that I was making a quilt for each one of my children for Christmas. Well, I have failed. I am hoping to redeem myself, but I have failed and I need so desperately not to leave a child out. I have made five and a half of the six quilts I need to make. I got all of them in to the lady who is going to quilt them for me in time for me to get them back in time for Christmas. I will still need to bind them, but I have failed for one child. I get angry and teary thinking about it. I knew that this Christmas would be tight financially, it always is. We have birthdays and Christmas as line items in our budget. Honestly, we never get to put anything in it. I usually just end up padding the grocery budget a bit so I can make the requested meal and cake for the birthday child. Presents usually come in the form of cards in the mail from Grandma and Granddaddy. SmockDaddy and I usually forgo that month’s allowance for ourselves and nix any cushion (the life-happens cushion) that we may have had from the most recent paycheck. And this year has been no different. Christmas will be small and that is OK. Each year the children usually get something from Santa, something from mama and papa, and something from one sibling (they draw names for gift giving).

This year though is going to be different. Very, very different.

I am not going to go into how different it will be or how I will handle it, because, frankly, I don’t know how we will handle it. To the point, I am a fabric hog. I know it. I have bought very little fabric since we have been here. I have either had what I needed or what I bought was bought for a specific project and paid for by the customer. I sat down one day and took stock of a few things on my shelf and decided I wanted to see if I could make six lap quilts. Did I have enough to manage that. I knew I would have to buy some of the batting for the quilts, but I had a few pieces already from projects that I’ve been planning for years.

For Bairno’s quilt I only had to buy one yard of fabric. For Birdie’s quilt I did not have to buy anything. For Princerella’s quilt I bought one and two thirds yard of fabric for the backing. For CowBoy’s quilt I bought nothing ((I’ll upload and link the fabric scans later tonight)). For Mog’s quilt ((ref:1)) I bought one and one fourth yard of fabric. I have had a hard time with Goro’s. I don’t like anything I lay out on the table. I don’t like anything I have for him. Each of the other children will have quilts that speak to their personality. I found a pattern I really want to make for him, but I don’t have the fabric I need for it. I have some of the fabric and I like it, but I feel like I have hit “quilter’s block” (pun intended). I have failed him.

With each of the other quilts I made I could feel my child in them. I could see each child hugging it and cuddling with their respective quilt. I don’t feel Goro in this quilt. I feel like I’m just putting something together for the sake of making him one. I am just putting one together for the sake of making him one. So I quit. I am not going to finish this quilt. Not now anyway. I do not know what to do at this point. These were going to be their Christmas ((note to Waldemart: just because I am making Christmas presents now does not mean I care to hear Christmas music playing in your store already.)). These quilts were this year’s Christmas and now I do not know what to do. I am still thinking through it all. I can not financially afford the fabric I need to finish off Goro’s quilt. I can not get what I want to use locally (or not-so-locally). I can not afford the time to order what I want. I know I’ll find the answer, but I may have to go to him for it and I really don’t want to do that.

In the future: soccer, scouting for food, furniture rearranging, more popcorn, and the list goes on.